An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. Walmart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Walmart?” Then Ill be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, cant hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Cant remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my drivers license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctors permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Its scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief.”
Remember: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
Two Old Guys at Dinner
An elderly couple has dinner at another couples house, and after eating, the wives leave the table and go into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one says, Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
The other man asks, What is the name of the restaurant?
The first man thinks and thinks and finally asks, What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.
Do you mean a rose?
Yes, that’s the one, replied the man. He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, Rose, whats the name of that restaurant we went to last night?