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Joke Of The Day- The Bald Guy

Enjoy the Joke Of The Day


The Bald Guy


“A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage.

When it’s the barber’s turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says “How stupid is that barber? He’s woken up the bald man instead of me.”

Joke of the day 25/12/2019

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them “Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in.”

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out “Bananas!” and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out “Money!” and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells “Oh Shit!”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Merry Christmas y’all

Joke of the day 24/12/2019

A womans husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” “What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think youre bad luck.”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Joke of the day 23/12/2019

A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her “My Love”, “Darling”, “Sweetheart”, etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, “Thats really nice after all of these years youve been married to keep saying those little pet names.” The host said, “Well, honestly, Ive forgotten her name.”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Joke of the day 22/12/2019

How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix,empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe,humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug,coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate,nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply,accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm,lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate,attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize,detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace,accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead,borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch,crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for,dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine,cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate,enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite,taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab onthe ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey,hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don’t care ifI die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize,humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin’ in the freeworld, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,drip, dry, knead, puree, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate,indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize andworship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.
How to Satisfy a Man Every Time
Show up naked.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Joke of the day 20/12/2019

A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy’s grades were straight A’s, even in math!

Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. “Oh, it’s all right, I guess,” he replies. “They must be teaching you some new tricks!” “Not really.” “Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?” “Well”, he says, “as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Joke Of The Day 19/12/2019

A Chinese doctor can’t find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads “GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.”

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.”

Lawyer: “Ugh. this is kerosene.”

Chinese: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.”

Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.”

Chinese: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.”

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.”

Chinese: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.”

Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!!”

Chinese: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Joke of the day 15/12/2019 😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions….
Officer: What’s 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😅😅

Joke of the day 14/ 12 / 2019 🤣😂😂😃😃🤩

I woke up this morning. My friend thinks he is smart, he tried to play with my intelligence, He told me only onion that can make you “cry”, both of us argue this up to”5 minutes” then i got angry and I threw a coconut at his face. Now he is crying like a newly born child. Now people are blaming me , is it my fault. 😄😄😆😂🤣🤣🤗😸😹

If you think what I did was wrong drop your comments below and don’t forget to share this post to your friends and loved ones.

Joke Of The Day 13/12/2019 😹😹😂😂😂

A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?” “I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise,” he replie d. “Wow, that’s amazing,” she said, “How old are you?” “Twenty-six.”😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😹😹😹😹

Joke of the day 11/12/2019😂😂😂😹😹

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit’s end as to what to do about their sons’ behavior. The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot.

He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”. The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?” Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face, “WHERE IS GOD?”.

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, “What happened?” The younger brother replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!”.🤣😂😂😂

Joke of the day 8/12/2019 🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣

Two women where at a pub, having a fun night out, away from their husbands. When they got out and started walking back home, they suddenly had a strong urge to pee. They decided to do it in the cemetery, where they figured no one will notice them. Once they were done, they remembered they didn’t bring toilet papers. The first one took her panties off, used it like paper and threw it away. The second used some flowers from one of the tombs.

The day after, one of the husbands called the other and said, angrily:
“Looks like our wives had quite a good time yesterday. Mine came home without her panties!”.
The other one answered, even more angry: “That’s nothing. Mine came back with a small note sticked to here ass, saying ‘we will never forget you. love, from all the guys”…😂😂😂🤣🤣

Joke Of The Day – Swollen Eye

Joke Of The Day


Bob left work one Friday evening.

But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Hahaha,😆 The wife made sure he didn’t she her for 3 days.

Joke Of The Day – The Woman And The Driver

We help you laugh and improve your health and heart health by our tips and daily joke.

Joke


A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.”The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.😆😆😆Hope you enjoyed this daily dose of the powerful medicine called “Laughter”.

Joke of the day 1/10/2019

What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot ofheat and excitement?Firetruck😂😂😂 .

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.”The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!” An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”😂😂😂

Joke of the day 29/09/2019

A three years old boy walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office.He inquisitively asks the lady “Why is your stomach so big?”She replied, “I’m having a baby”.With big eyes, he asked “Is the baby in your stomach?”She said “He sure is!” Then the little boy with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?”She said “Oh, yes it’s a real good baby”. With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked “Then why did you swallow him?”😂😂😂

Joke of the day 28/19/2019😂😂😂

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids. He returned a month later for a check-up, and the doctor said “Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied “Oh, I haven’t told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but now I listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times already.”😂😂😂

Joke of the day 27/09/2019

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: “We have good news and bad news for you, David.

The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.” David: “Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry.”😂😂😂

Joke of the day 26/09/2019😂😂

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer’ll tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant…twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. 😂😂😂

Joke of the day 25/09/2019

A father went to take his daughter from school. While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers “I worry so much!, My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up.

My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!”. “With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about,” her friend told her. “Yeah, but what if… What if they… What if they… ESCAPE?”😹😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 24/09/2019

Wilfred had just learned his abcs and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began. “ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.” “Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Wheres the P? “Its running down my leg.”😹😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 23/09/2019

One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.”

“But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.”
She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.

“Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!”. “What are you talking about?”. “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 22/09/2019

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. ‘God,’ he prayed, ‘I really want a car.’Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.’God,’ he prayed again, ‘I really need a car.’

Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents’ bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet. ‘Okay, God,’ he said, getting down onto his knees again, ‘if you ever want to see your mother again…’😹😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 21/09/2019

Children brought up on a farm are often quite precocious. A nun gave a lecture on the facts of life to the combined classes one day. She thought the tiny tots would hardly know what her talk was all about so she left them in the classroom.

After a while she noticed little five year old John whispering with a little four year old Jane and she asked Johnnie what was the meaning of their whispering. John stood up and asked, “Please sister, can a woman of four have a baby?” “Of course not,” answered the sister, quite flustered. John turned to the little girl beside him and said, “Didn’t I tell you, you had nothing to worry about.”😹😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 19/09/2019

A little boy was so excited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother. He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, “I’m getting a brother.” One day his mom alllowed him to feel the babys kicks in her belly.

The next day he came to school and didn’t say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother. He replied, “I think mommy ate him.”😅😅😂😂😂

Joke of the day 20/09/2019

The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters “ILU” written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises her hand. Well sweetie, what does “ILU” mean?

The little girl replies, “I love you.”The teacher says, “Isn’t that sweet,” and continues with class. The next day the teacher finds a banana on her desk with the letters “YAS” written on it. The teacher asks who left and what does it mean. A little white boy raises his hand and says, “It means, You are special.”

“Thank you sweetheart”, the teacher says. The following day, the teacher walks in to find a watermelon with the letters “f*ck” written on it. The enraged teacher asks who left it and if they know what that means. A little black girl raises her hand and cheerfully says, “Yes maam, I left it. It means, from us colored kids!”.😅😅😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 16/09/2019

Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets. So, he decided to take advantage of it. One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: “Mommy, mommy! I know everything!”

His mom, obviously scared to death: “Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?”. “Okay mommy!” says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face. When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well.

“Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!” Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: “Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?” “Okay!” says Billy with a bigger smile on his face.

The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman. He thought he could try it to him too: “Mr. Focker, I know everything!”

The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: “Then, come… Come closer… My son!”😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 15/09/2019

A father passing by his sons bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, Dad. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

“Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure well be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. Im over at Jasons house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report thats on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!”. 😅😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 14/09/2019

1

Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?

Kids: Meat!

Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon!

Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?

Kid: Homework!😂😂😂.

2

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.😂😂😂

Q. Why did the little boy put lipstick on his head?

A. He wanted to make up his mind!
😂😂😂

3

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. “Why are you crying?” Bob asked.

“I came here for a blood test,” sobbed Bill. “So? Are you afraid?” “No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.” As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.

Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, “Why are you crying now?” To which Bob replied, “I came for a urine test!” 😂😂😂

Joke of the day 13/09/2019

For all those who likes our Jokes if the day, sorry for not being able to post for a while. Enjoy!😉

A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud. Despite his mothers efforts, the boy could calm down.

The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the torture by staying calm and noble. The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude. In fact, he gets worse.

Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane. People got desperate. Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.

He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket. He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boys ear.

The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt. The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement. “Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?” a lady wondered. “I showed him my medals, maam, and told him that Ive won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year… I haven’t picked one yet”😂😂😂😂😹😹

Joke of the day 12/09/2019😹😹😹😂😂😁

One night, a father passed by his son’s room and heard his son praying: “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.”

The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.”

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: “God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy.”

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor’s early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!”😂😂😂 😹😹😹

Joke of the day 11/09/2019😂😂😅😅

Suzie was asked by her mother what she had learned in Sunday School. “Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

“When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements.

They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites.” “Now, Suzie, is that really what your teacher taught you?” her mother asked. “Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it.”😂😂😂

Joke of the day 9/09/2019

Red-Handed Thief

GUARD: Aha! Ive caught you red-handed! stealing fishes.

HENRY: What do you mean by red-handed?

GUARD: Youve got a bucket full of fish right here, you can not talk your way out of it this time.

HENRY: Oh, you dont understand, Ive not stolen a thing. These are my pet fishes. I bring them to the reservoir once a week for exercise. After they’ve had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home. I can prove it.

Henry dipped the bucket in and the fishes swam away. They both stood in silence for 20, 30, 40 minutes.. No sign of the fish coming back to the bucket.

GUARD: Aha, you lying rogue! You stole those fishes?

HENRY: What fishes? Where is your proof?
STUPID GUARD😹😹😹😂😂😂

Joke of the day 08/09/2019

A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, “Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?” He angrily looks at her and says, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!”

“Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right.” “Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!” “Ok”, she says, “then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break.” “I ain’t no damn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps,” he says. “Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!”

After a couple of hours at the local bar, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife.

As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed. As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. “Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?” She replies: “Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him.” He said, “So, what kind of cake did you bake him?” She replied, “Hello…Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?”
😂😂😂😹😹😹

Joke of the day 7/09/2019

At First She Thought He Was Being Romantic, But His Actual Response? Priceless

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered. She starts to tear up.

The husband continues solemnly, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15.”

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses… the words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?'”

“I remember that too,” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”

😂😂😂

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Joke of the day 6/09/2019😹😹

“That wife of mine is a liar,” said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. “How do you know?” the friend asked. “She didn’t come home last night, and when I asked her where she’d been, she said she’d spent the night with her sister, Shirley.” “So?” the friend replied.

“So, she’s a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!” 😂😂😂😹😹😹

Joke of the day 5/09/2019

One day Michael came home from school with a note pinned to his shirt. The note read: Dear parent, apparently Michael has been having some trouble with telling the difference between girls and boys. Please sit down with him and explain this. Signed, Michael teacher.

After reading the note Michael’s mom took him into her room and shut the door. “Okay Michael,” his mother said. “First take off my high heels. Then take off my panty hose. Then take off my dress. Now take off my bra and panties.

NOW NEVER WEAR MY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL AGAIN!
😂😂😂😉😉😂

Joke of the day 4/09/2019

One day theres a couple of kids in a phycology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class “stand up if u think you’re stupid!” after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says “do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

To which Little Johnny replies “No miss i just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!”😂😂😂

Joke of the day 3/09/2019

Ugly Face

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.

Johnny looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.😂😂😂